By Chris Boeke
cwboeke@gmail .com
SAN MARCOS- When he was driving with his mother, Sean Haynes was hit with a moment of clarity that was a year in the making.
“I was like ‘I have got to come out as a trans guy or else, like, I can’t keep living like this,’” Haynes said.
This epiphany seemed to be unexpected, even for Haynes himself. Before he came out to his mother, Haynes was living with his parents. By the time he had moved back in with them, he discovered that he identified outside of the gender binary but decided to present as female to his parents and delay his coming out as transgender.
“There was kind of a lot of introspection during that time of making things from my childhood make sense,” Haynes said. “The relationships that I had with other people, I never felt like a woman in those relationships. I never felt like my brother’s sister. I sort of felt like my brother’s brother,” Haynes said.
After this introspection and subsequent coming out, Haynes decided to move back to Texas in 2020 to continue his education: this time as an out trans man. He is now the vice president of outreach for Texas State University’s Transcend at Texas State, a student organization for gender-nonconforming Texas State students, and is working to finish graduate school.

Haynes’ story is one that stands in bright relief against a darker backdrop of the recent increase in transphobia in both Texas and the U.S. at large.
A stark reality
The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) deemed 2021 to be the deadliest year for transgender and gender-nonconforming individuals on-record, with at least 46 deaths recorded nationwide in 2021. Discrimination is also an equally large issue. On a local level, the crisis hotline Trans Lifeline experienced a 72% increase in calls specifically from Texas as of May 2021, pointing to the fact that many transgender and gender non-conforming individuals feel unsafe in Texas.

Lex Loro, who is part of Pride Center San Antonio’s community health center, pointed out that this feeling of danger has a holistic effect on the life of a trans individual.
“When we think about mental health and physical health and the ability to have a job and have meaningful relationships and just connect with community, all that– you can’t do those things if you’re just worried about your overall safety and well-being every day, all the time,” Loro said.

Some of the discrimination that causes this sense of danger is due to a misunderstanding of the community. As aspects of gender are discovered to be more multifaceted than previously thought, misconceptions about those who do not conform to established ideas of gender increase. According to Jayson Guest, a graduate student and Instructional Assistant (IA) at Texas State who identifies as agender, some of the misconceptions stem from the lack of a proper vocabulary to differentiate people in the LGBTQ+ community.
“The biggest misconception is that gender nonconforming individuals are gay,” Guest said. “It’s two completely separate, you know, parts of your identity. Gender is a social construct; it’s how you see yourself. Your sexuality is who you are attracted to. [They have] nothing to do with each other.”

Coupled with misunderstandings like this is the fact that, according to Loro, there is a direct relationship between the visibility of trans and gender-nonconforming individuals and the vocalization of their detractors.
“I do think as trans and non-binary people become more visible, so do our opponents,” Loro said. “I think that that is a really difficult and complicated situation.”
Exploring trans life at Texas State
This increase in visibility towards the community has made its way to Texas State. In addition to student organizations like Transcend at Texas State, many faculty members at the university have made themselves visible as members of the community. Among them is Jessica Soukup, the education chair of LGBTQIA Alliance at Texas State, who has been an out trans woman since 2016. Since that time, she has received notes from students thanking her for being out and dispensing advice to those wanting to learn about the community.
However, like Loro mentioned, the increased visibility of trans people directly correlates to the vocalization of the community’s opponents. According to Soukup, it is no different at Texas State.
“I had a professor lecture a trans student about the gender binary and how the gender binary is real ,” Soukup said. “But we successfully educated that faculty member.”
Such education at Texas State comes in the form of Ally Training, an educational program provided by Alliance at Texas State. The purpose of Ally Training is to give Texas State students and faculty resources to combat homophobia and transphobia, thus making campus safer for LGBTQ+ students.

Even with programs like this, discriminatory sentiments, along with a general fear for safety, can make life as a trans student at Texas State difficult to navigate. According to Haynes, this feeling hinges on several different aspects.
“It very much depends where I’m at,” said Haynes. “Whereas, on-campus, it’s a total toss-up. There’s a lot of people in a space I might not feel safe [with]. And I know for a lot of trans people, and especially with recent legislation and news cycles and stuff like that, even trying to navigate gendered spaces on-campus can be a very anxious experience.”
Though the trans community feels that Texas State could do more for them, there seems to be a sense of hope that the community will continue to educate faculty and students and give trans students a sense of belonging, a notion echoed by Soukup.
“And so, I think, like society, Texas State is mixed, you know? There’s good spots, there’s bad spots, and what I’m happy to say is that I feel like people are trying to do better,” Soukup said.
After undergoing his own personal journey towards the acceptance of his identity, Haynes feels that there is a place for all trans students at Texas State, regardless of the struggles the on-campus community face.
“You’re not alone and you don’t have to be alone because there is a community here that will support you and love you and embrace who you are as you find yourself,” Haynes said. “Whatever that means, finding yourself.”
























